The Sex Lives of African Women: Self Discovery, Freedom, and Healing by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

Author: Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

First Published: 2021

Available Formats: Kindle, Audible, Hardcover, Paperback

Version Read: Audiobook, narrated by Maria Gbeleyi, Rachel Adedeji, and Sara Powell

Book Review

Introduction

“Freedom – I feel most free when I am myself: stripped of all pretenses, lounging naked on my bed, my boobies freely rolling wherever they choose.”

Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah’s The Sex Lives of African Women is a phenomenal book that delves into themes of self-discovery, agency, identity, and the deeply personal journeys of African women navigating sex, love, and relationships. It touches on an incredible range of intersectional topics—non-heteronormativity, disability, long-distance relationships, online dating, marriage, polyamory, polygamy, religion, culture, spirituality, and much more. This book impacted me so deeply that I’ve listened to it three times in three years.

Book Summary

The book is structured as a collection of short stories, sharing the intimate and deeply personal experiences of 32 African women from various countries. Their narratives are divided into three themes: Self-Discovery, Freedom, and Healing. Through their voices, we hear stories of agency, resilience, abuse (sexual, physical, and emotional), genital mutilation, motherhood, societal pressures, and personal transformation.

Therefore, as the title of this book reflects, the book is not simply about sex as an act but rather about the choices African women make regarding their bodies, desires, and identities. One striking aspect is how the women in these stories firmly define themselves while society attempts to impose labels and expectations upon them. Many of them describe going without sex for long periods. For example, Yami narrates her journey of celibacy. Other women also narrated how they would go lengthy periods without sex, either by choice or circumstance.

Reflections

As an African woman, I found it both refreshing and powerful to hear women speak so openly about sex, intimacy, and self-discovery—topics that are often considered taboo in many African communities. The book sheds light on subjects that are rarely discussed and offers a much-needed perspective on female sexuality, relationships, and autonomy. It was especially intriguing to hear women openly embrace polyamory, rejecting the societal expectation of monogamy. In many African contexts, men having multiple lovers is normalised, but a woman who dares to do the same faces shame—even from other women.

Another fascinating aspect is the diversity of perspectives across different ages. Some women who share their stories are over 50 and speak about the liberation they have found in defining their paths in love and relationships. Themes of resilience and overcoming adversity run throughout the book, with stories like those of Philester and Kuchenga standing out. Kuchenga’s reflections on relationships with Black men were particularly refreshing.

This book is even more personal because the author reserved the last story for herself, sharing her journey alongside those of the women she interviewed. This decision ties everything together beautifully, making the book feel even more intimate and impactful.

Narration and Recommendation

The audiobook’s narrators did an excellent job of bringing these stories to life, making the listening experience even more immersive.

This book is a must-read (or listen). It challenges perceptions, sparks essential conversations, and amplifies voices that are too often silenced. I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone—whether for personal reflection, learning, or the joy of hearing African women speak their truths.

About the Author

Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is a Ghanaian feminist, writer, and activist known for her work on sexuality, gender, and women’s rights. She is the author of The Sex Lives of African Women, a critically acclaimed book that explores the diverse sexual experiences of African women across the continent and the diaspora. Sekyiamah is also the co-founder of Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women, a pioneering blog that creates space for African women to discuss sex, pleasure, and relationships openly. She has worked extensively in feminist advocacy and is currently the Director of Communications and Media at the Association for Women’s Rights in Development (AWID).